"Here’s To Finding A Good Man" by JB
Ever heard the sentiment “All the good guys are either married or gay (…or just plain old uninterested)”? Ok, well, I added the uninterested part, but just because that’s been my experience doesn’t mean it’s true. Believe it or not, good guys do exist, and they’re out there somewhere. They might already (and will always) have a place in your heart.
Story time! I was rocking out to my iPod this weekend and in true let-your-hair-down-cause-you’re-home-alone fashion was singing this one song at the top of my lungs. Since it’s all hip to like country music now, I can tell you this. It’s a rousing little number sung by Danielle Peck called Here’s To Findin’ A Good Man. Girls, I gotta tell you, it’s badass… and I’m willing to bet that most of you would laugh listening to it, because you can most certainly relate to some part of it.
So, as I sang along with Danielle and girls’ lists (see Relationships 101 for more details on The List) Julie, I know you want perfection/Angie, you want a listener/Lisa, your list is getting long/And, Girls, you know me I just want a good kisser” and how “it’s so hard finding a good man” I couldn’t help wondering, is it really that hard?
I don’t know about you, but I know some really awesome guys. So, my thoughts are that it can’t be that hard. It’s true, some of them are married. And yes, some of them are gay. But then, there are the others. I have a feeling that some of you know of one or two of these guys too. Maybe they’re a coworker, maybe they’re some guy that lives in your building, maybe they’re your best friend. Maybe they’re the one that you let get away. We’re talking about genuine, smart, funny and pretty good looking (if I do say so myself) guys here! So, what’s our (my) problem, ladies?
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been holding out for “T.O.” No, not Terrell Owens (who, by the way, made a much better Cowboy than Eagle)… you know, The One. Maybe you’re afraid of committing to a nice guy, because you’re worried about missing out on something? Maybe you’re a glutton for punishment? Maybe there’s some part of you that knows that guy could end up being your T.O. and that scares you to the core? Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
You know that movie The Wedding Date with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney? There’s a line in that movie where they say that every woman has the exact love life that she wants for herself. I’ve grown to believe that whole heartedly. We, ladies, are self-sabotaging antagonists in our own lives. But I refuse to admit that many of us have what we really and truly want.
I can’t speak for all women, well, ok really I can’t talk for women aside from myself, but there’s definitely some kind of female obsession with the "bad boy." I’m not even sure what that term means. In my experience, it means the "douche." It means that we have an inexplicable attraction to jerks. Guys that don’t call you back and won’t ever have your back. They won’t support your goals and don’t understand your hopes and dreams. They won’t hold you when you cry and definitely don’t agree with anything you say. Why? WHY??? Is there actually something about these so-called-men-who-are-really-just-overgrown-boys that we find appealing?
I get it. Hindsight is 20/20, so it’s easy to look back now and say, "Yep that was stupid." All of the warning signs were there, right? But, what about the guys that you know—that maybe you’ve known all along— the ones with no warning signs. No red flags! The ones that make you laugh and feel inspired and alive. What makes us so averse to being with one of them?
I have my theory. It’s true for me. And I’ll project it on to you. It’s because you’re a great big sissy and you’re scared of one of two things: 1) Really messing it up and running the risk of ruining a phenomenal friendship or, 2) Not messing it up.
Pretty heavy, hmm? But, that’s the reality of it.
It’s hard to let your guard down. It’s hard to open up your heart and take a chance by telling someone how you feel… even if he’s a great guy. You might be scared. You might get hurt. You might have expectations that won’t be met. You might over think and over analyze every word, action, or lack-there-of. You might be too late.
You might also be familiar with the phrase "Nice guys finish last." So, it’s got to make you wonder. If we’re all looking for decent, nice, good men… why are we the ones consistently putting them in last place, even when they’re always the first to come to mind?
If you’re questioning whether or not you deserve a nice guy, YOU DO. If you’ve had one particular guy running through your mind as you read this, I’d encourage you to let him know. Let him know he means something to you, that he matters, that taking a chance on you this time might finally pay out the jackpot.
I’m not really sure how to end this, only because, I don’t think my mind is quite done with this topic. But that’s just me. I like to over think and over analyze. It’s what I do. So, I’ll leave you with the only thing that gets me through the days anymore…Hope.
Everything begins and ends with hope.
Story time! I was rocking out to my iPod this weekend and in true let-your-hair-down-cause-you’re-home-alone fashion was singing this one song at the top of my lungs. Since it’s all hip to like country music now, I can tell you this. It’s a rousing little number sung by Danielle Peck called Here’s To Findin’ A Good Man. Girls, I gotta tell you, it’s badass… and I’m willing to bet that most of you would laugh listening to it, because you can most certainly relate to some part of it.
So, as I sang along with Danielle and girls’ lists (see Relationships 101 for more details on The List) Julie, I know you want perfection/Angie, you want a listener/Lisa, your list is getting long/And, Girls, you know me I just want a good kisser” and how “it’s so hard finding a good man” I couldn’t help wondering, is it really that hard?
I don’t know about you, but I know some really awesome guys. So, my thoughts are that it can’t be that hard. It’s true, some of them are married. And yes, some of them are gay. But then, there are the others. I have a feeling that some of you know of one or two of these guys too. Maybe they’re a coworker, maybe they’re some guy that lives in your building, maybe they’re your best friend. Maybe they’re the one that you let get away. We’re talking about genuine, smart, funny and pretty good looking (if I do say so myself) guys here! So, what’s our (my) problem, ladies?
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been holding out for “T.O.” No, not Terrell Owens (who, by the way, made a much better Cowboy than Eagle)… you know, The One. Maybe you’re afraid of committing to a nice guy, because you’re worried about missing out on something? Maybe you’re a glutton for punishment? Maybe there’s some part of you that knows that guy could end up being your T.O. and that scares you to the core? Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?
You know that movie The Wedding Date with Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney? There’s a line in that movie where they say that every woman has the exact love life that she wants for herself. I’ve grown to believe that whole heartedly. We, ladies, are self-sabotaging antagonists in our own lives. But I refuse to admit that many of us have what we really and truly want.
I can’t speak for all women, well, ok really I can’t talk for women aside from myself, but there’s definitely some kind of female obsession with the "bad boy." I’m not even sure what that term means. In my experience, it means the "douche." It means that we have an inexplicable attraction to jerks. Guys that don’t call you back and won’t ever have your back. They won’t support your goals and don’t understand your hopes and dreams. They won’t hold you when you cry and definitely don’t agree with anything you say. Why? WHY??? Is there actually something about these so-called-men-who-are-really-just-overgrown-boys that we find appealing?
I get it. Hindsight is 20/20, so it’s easy to look back now and say, "Yep that was stupid." All of the warning signs were there, right? But, what about the guys that you know—that maybe you’ve known all along— the ones with no warning signs. No red flags! The ones that make you laugh and feel inspired and alive. What makes us so averse to being with one of them?
I have my theory. It’s true for me. And I’ll project it on to you. It’s because you’re a great big sissy and you’re scared of one of two things: 1) Really messing it up and running the risk of ruining a phenomenal friendship or, 2) Not messing it up.
Pretty heavy, hmm? But, that’s the reality of it.
It’s hard to let your guard down. It’s hard to open up your heart and take a chance by telling someone how you feel… even if he’s a great guy. You might be scared. You might get hurt. You might have expectations that won’t be met. You might over think and over analyze every word, action, or lack-there-of. You might be too late.
You might also be familiar with the phrase "Nice guys finish last." So, it’s got to make you wonder. If we’re all looking for decent, nice, good men… why are we the ones consistently putting them in last place, even when they’re always the first to come to mind?
If you’re questioning whether or not you deserve a nice guy, YOU DO. If you’ve had one particular guy running through your mind as you read this, I’d encourage you to let him know. Let him know he means something to you, that he matters, that taking a chance on you this time might finally pay out the jackpot.
I’m not really sure how to end this, only because, I don’t think my mind is quite done with this topic. But that’s just me. I like to over think and over analyze. It’s what I do. So, I’ll leave you with the only thing that gets me through the days anymore…Hope.
Everything begins and ends with hope.
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