"Relationships 101" by Jen B.
Before you even consider getting yourself into a relationship there are two things that are absolutely critical: 1) be sure of what you want, and 2) be even more sure of what you don’t want.
Let’s be honest. Most women, men, too, for that matter, have no idea what they want, but if you ask any one of them what they don’t want they’ll read you off a list that’s a mile long. “I don’t want a man that’s unemployed,” “I don’t want a man who is clingy,” and “I don’t want a man that lives with his parents!” It’s very easy to determine what you don’t want to deal with, but when you’re talking about a relationship… and if you’re one of those girls looking for the relationship to be all and end all, then, maybe it’s more important to look at what you actually DO want.
If you want to know about my list, and I’m sure you do if you’re still reading this, I’ll tell you a little bit about it. It’s broken out into two categories: Must Haves and Nice-To-Haves. My musts? Must have ambition, must have his own friends, must love MY dog, must actually want to spend time with me (unlike unnamed boyfriend of the past.) You get the idea. The niceties are things that are negotiable. Come to think of it… I don’t like negotiating, so my list is pretty short, but think along the lines of…has similar interests, doesn’t leave the toilet seat up, chews with his mouth closed and has otherwise good manners in general (you might actually want to move that to the musts.) These are things that you’re willing to work on. Remember, most men don’t come housetrained, and if you’ve got house rules that you want to play by, then you’re going to have some work to do. But relationships are just that… work. It’s not going to come easy.
I’ll leave you today with this last little piece of my not-so-successful-for-myself relationship advice… When you meet someone that you really, truly like… run with it. Try it on, see how it feels. Is it comfortable? Does it fit your style? And most importantly…is it in your budget? And by budget I mean, the realm of possibility for YOU. (See your list of Must Haves.) Make photocopies of your list. Put the dude’s name on it, and check boxes next to the must haves, and go at it. If you’re lacking in checks… it might be time to check out.
Let’s be honest. Most women, men, too, for that matter, have no idea what they want, but if you ask any one of them what they don’t want they’ll read you off a list that’s a mile long. “I don’t want a man that’s unemployed,” “I don’t want a man who is clingy,” and “I don’t want a man that lives with his parents!” It’s very easy to determine what you don’t want to deal with, but when you’re talking about a relationship… and if you’re one of those girls looking for the relationship to be all and end all, then, maybe it’s more important to look at what you actually DO want.
If you want to know about my list, and I’m sure you do if you’re still reading this, I’ll tell you a little bit about it. It’s broken out into two categories: Must Haves and Nice-To-Haves. My musts? Must have ambition, must have his own friends, must love MY dog, must actually want to spend time with me (unlike unnamed boyfriend of the past.) You get the idea. The niceties are things that are negotiable. Come to think of it… I don’t like negotiating, so my list is pretty short, but think along the lines of…has similar interests, doesn’t leave the toilet seat up, chews with his mouth closed and has otherwise good manners in general (you might actually want to move that to the musts.) These are things that you’re willing to work on. Remember, most men don’t come housetrained, and if you’ve got house rules that you want to play by, then you’re going to have some work to do. But relationships are just that… work. It’s not going to come easy.
I’ll leave you today with this last little piece of my not-so-successful-for-myself relationship advice… When you meet someone that you really, truly like… run with it. Try it on, see how it feels. Is it comfortable? Does it fit your style? And most importantly…is it in your budget? And by budget I mean, the realm of possibility for YOU. (See your list of Must Haves.) Make photocopies of your list. Put the dude’s name on it, and check boxes next to the must haves, and go at it. If you’re lacking in checks… it might be time to check out.
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